New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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