Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
