just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
