dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
