a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
