i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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