If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
