I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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