oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have already put on my inside pants.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
we're so committed to being not committed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
