Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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