I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
