i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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