I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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