you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
