Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
