this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
