Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
