Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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