Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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