I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
