I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
