Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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