Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
