Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
