oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
