my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
