I think my fart just growled at me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
