It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
