Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
