Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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