A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog