I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD