I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
