Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
