Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
