im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
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I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
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Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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