put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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