I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
