I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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