I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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