If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize