I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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