Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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