K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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