When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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