i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
