Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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