I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
