Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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