so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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