he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
