The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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