is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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