The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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