You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
