last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
