Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
