Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
