Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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