She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
