I bet he comes in French.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
