I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
