She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
