mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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