just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
