True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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