I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
id be glad to
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
